The girl who laughs at a funeral

I have always been the girl who laughs at a funeral because I'm too afraid to feel anything else. It is weird how much American culture has shaped me into being afraid of feeling. I can't remember the last time I've cried and when ever my mom cries I will do ANYTHING to make her stop because it is so weird and hard for me to watch. And death well that is even harder for me to process. I never sleep the night before a funeral because I'm so horrified of going to see a person in a casket. The thought that I will die someday is something I like to keep as far away from my thoughts as possible. It is interesting to me that other countries find death as a positive thing or at least accept it without fear. I feel a lot that when people die your connection with them dies and you wont be able to affect each others lives anymore. However, I think the problem is I and many other Americans don't let people in enough to allow that ever lasting bond. We are so afraid of the physical loss that we don't want to risk it. I think the story behind "Tuesdays with Morrie" is a very strong one that we aren't even really living unless we give love to others. It has made me reevaluate my life and my relationships with my family and friends. I realize that it's so important to give all the love you can. While I still am horribly afraid of tears and death, I did learn one lesson and I'm going to keep trying to get over those fears.